(The
views represented herein are not necessarily the views of the
Sarbreenar Sentinel. The management of the Sarbreenar Sentinel
accept no responsibility for the veracity of this information.)
The
Sun Shines on Sarbreenar Once More
With the return of our much-missed Minister for Spiritual Affairs
the sun no longer has to rise over our slightly-worn City alone.
Samian Ware’s morning homage to Lathandar once more reverberates
around the City’s walls bringing hope, cheer and a wake-up
call to the South. And lets just hope it annoys our northern neighbours
as much as it used to annoy us.
Melgar’s
Nightmare
It seems our consummate conjurer and former follower of fashion
is losing sleep again and this time it has nothing to do with
stolen bed sheets. At the recent trial Mr Courant confessed to
me that he is quite terrified of kobolds and goblins, referring
to them as ‘scary monsters’ that should be licensed.
I witnessed his abject terror as the gentle Greentop sauntered
by and some interestingly dressed kobolds tussled and chattered
playfully in their own funny little language. I suspect that this
deep-rooted phobia is a result of the defeat of his mentor Mythic’s
defeat at the hands of a diminutive kobold. Poor Melgar.
Arrest that Dwarf in the name of Justice!
It would appear that the anally lawful Rim Goblinreaver….
I mean Grimgoblin…. Mr Shamil is breaking free of the chains
of his office. Dear Rim apparently advocates the notion of breaking
the law to ‘uphold’ the law, indeed he embraces it.
This very journalist was subject to a brutal physical assault
as he removed me from the courtroom with unnecessary violence
for absolutely no reason, having already criminally destroyed
my press-pass. I suspect he fears the power of the press or perhaps
his status as the revered ‘hardcorest champion’ of our
kobold and goblin friends is going to his head.
Rim’s not the only one flirting with lawlessness. In an
exclusive interview fellow ‘honest’ watcher Duncan ‘The
Dwarf’ Fellborn confessed that he believed Frosty should
‘get off’ and that ‘the law shouldn’t apply
in this case,’ an interesting standpoint for one who has
so rigorously upheld the law in the past. If we can’t rely
on our honest watchers to truly uphold the law, who can we rely
on? (Answers on parchment to Daphne Beach, Sarbreenar Sentinel)
Is this what the Zhents meant when they said ‘Go forth
and multiply’?
In an effort to boost Southern Sarbreenars somewhat diminished
population our female adventurer types are resorting to desperate
measures. I have it on good authority that the not-such-a-Lady
C is withchild. Who’s child is anyone’s guest but those
in the know have claimed that the fruit of her loins will be at
least partly demonic, though which side of the family passed on
this trait is as yet unconfirmed. Rumour also has it that Lady
C is not the only on the brink of motherhood. Watch this space.
A Crime of Fashion
Once again the adventuring community let the side down in the
fashion stakes and the Zhents emerged victorious. At the recent
trial I was by turns shocked, appalled and amused by the outfits
being paraded by Sarbreenar’s finest.
The
Zhents, it cannot be denied, certainly know how to dress.
Choosing black as their signature colour was a stroke of fashion
genius – it flatters even the most unfortunate of figures
and those uniforms have achieved timelessness. Simple yet sophisticated,
tasteful yet stylish, practical yet slightly naughty – a
true classic of couture which is currently being admirably modelled
by our own Damien Sureshot. Adventurers take note.
Natasha – I’m sorry to hear that Robin has ‘done
a runner’ but one can hardly be surprised. I’m sure
that if you bought a nice dress and allowed someone with the requisite
skill to style your hair you could make a passable female. Don’t
be afraid to ask for help.
Anya – we can all squeeze into teeny, tiny, tight
dresses but it doesn’t mean we should. Less is more darling
– don’t let them know how desperate you are. Stop running
away from good taste and turn to embrace it.
Melgar – oh dear, what happened? Did the scary kobolds
steal your good clothes?
Only two stood out as pioneers of fashion and dress sense, apart
from myself of course.
Vega Zyblev, dashing as ever, chose to make a stylish
accessory of his new prosthesis – no doubt it’ll be
all the rage next season.
A very well done to young warrior Tanya Adelsa who chose
a flattering and stylish ensemble that allowed her to display
her strength without compromising her femininity. I suspect good
breeding.
